1. Funny Casino Movie Quotes
2. Casino Quotes Funny
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Gambling Quotes “It’s like gambling, somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where you’re going to end up the next day. It could work out good, or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice.” — Jim Morrison “I’ve never been to Vegas, but I’ve gambled all my life.” — Ryan Adams. A collection of short, funny jokes related to Gambling and Casinos!” Gambling, Casino Jokes - Short, Funny Jokes and One-Liners That Will Make You Laugh! Quick, Funny Jokes!

Funny Casino Movie Quotes

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Casino Quotes Funny

Money won is twice as sweet as money earned. ~From the movie The Color of Money
If you ain't just a little scared when you enter a casino, you are either very rich or you haven't studied the games enough. ~VP Pappy
For most men (till by losing rendered sager)
Will back their own opinions by a wager.
~George Gordon, Lord Byron, 'Beppo'
A pack of cards is the devil's prayer-book. ~German Proverb
Gaming is the son of avarice and the father of despair. ~French proverb
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something. ~Wilson Mizner
The subject of gambling is all encompassing. It combines man's natural play instinct with his desire to know about his fate and his future. ~Franz Rosenthal, Gambling in Islam, 1975
The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet. ~Hugh E. Keough
In a bet there is a fool and a thief. ~Proverb
The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. ~Kin Hubbard
Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do, and I gave the common-sensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage. ~Gloria Steinem
The typical gambler might not really understand the probabilistic nuances of the wheel or the dice, but such things seem a bit more tractable than, say, trying to raise a child in this lunatic society of ours. ~Arthur S. Reber, The New Gambler's Bible
No wife can endure a gambling husband, unless he is a steady winner. ~Thomas Robert Dewar
The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice is so pleasurable, that I assume it must be evil. ~Heywood Broun
If you must play, decide upon three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time. ~Chinese Proverb
There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. ~Jack Yelton
A permanent and intense interest is acquirable in baccarat, or in any other game, but you have to buy it. You don't get it by standing around and looking on.... Constantly money and chips are flung upon the table, and the game seems to consist in the croupier's reaching for these things with a flexible sculling oar, and raking them home. It appeared to be a rational enough game for him, and if I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed... ~Mark Twain, 'Aix, the Paradise of the Rheumatics'
In most betting shops you will see three windows marked 'Bet Here,' but only one window with the legend 'Pay Out.' ~Jeffrey Bernard
A gambler is nothing but a man who makes his living out of hope. ~William Bolitho
I met with an accident on the way to the track; I arrived safely. ~Joe E. Lewis
In the case of an earthquake hitting Las Vegas, be sure to go straight to the Keno Lounge. Nothing ever gets hit there. ~Author Unknown
Man is a gaming animal. He must always be trying to get the better in something or other. ~Charles Lamb, Essays of Elia, 1823
Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit. ~R.E. Shay
If you would read a mans Disposition, see him Game, you will then learn more of him in one hour, than in seven Years Conversation... ~Richard Lingard, A Letter of Advice To A Young Gentleman Leaving the University, Concerning his Behaviour and Conversation in the World, 1670
The house doesn't beat the player. It just gives him the opportunity to beat himself. ~Nick Dandalos
Dear Lord, help me to break even. I need the money. ~Author Unknown
A race track is a place where windows clean people. ~Danny Thomas
A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety and nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stocks snuggles into your heart in the same way. ~Mark Twain (at Bayreuth)
Casinos and prostitutes have the same thing in common; they are both trying to screw you out of your money and send you home with a smile on you face. ~VP Pappy
Luck never gives; it only lends. ~Swedish Proverb
By gaming we lose both our time and treasure - two things most precious to the life of man. ~Owen Felltham
At the gambling table, there are no fathers and sons. ~Chinese Proverb
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. ~Author Unknown
You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people. ~Will Rogers
No dog can go as fast as the money you bet on him. ~Bud Flanagan
Horse racing is animated roulette. ~Roger Kahn
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five. ~Henny Youngman
One of the healthiest ways to gamble is with a spade and a package of garden seeds. ~Dan Bennett
A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time. ~Author Unknown
The better the gambler, the worse the man. ~Publilius Syrus
A number of moralists condemn lotteries and refuse to see anything noble in the passion of the ordinary gambler. They judge gambling as some atheists judge religion, by its excesses. ~Charles Lamb, Essays of Elia, 1832
There is but one good throw upon the dice, which is, to throw them away. ~Author Unknown
Games of chance are traps to catch school boy novies and gaping country squires, who begin with a guinea and end with a mortgage. ~Author Unknown
Betting is the manure to which the enormous crop of horse-races and racehorse breeding in this and other countries is to a large extent due. ~Richard Blackmore, The Jockey Club and its Founders, 1891
Horse sense is a good judgment which keeps horses from betting on people. ~W.C. Fields
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. ~Ambrose Bierce

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• “Now you're insulting my intelligence; what you think I am, a fuckin' idiot? You know goddamn well that someone had to get into those machines and set those fuckin' reels. The probability of one four-reel machine is a million and a half to one; the probability of three machines in a row; it's in the billions! It cannot happen, would not happen,...” (continue)(continue reading)Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• “It should have been perfect. I mean he had me, Nicky Santoro, his best friend watching his ass. And he had Ginger, the woman he loved on his arm. But in the end, we fucked it all up. It should have been so sweet, too. But it turned out to be the last time that street guys like us were ever given anything that fuckin' valuable again.”Joe Pesci - Nicky Santoro

• “No matter how big a guy might be, Nicky would take him on. You beat Nicky with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife, he comes back with a gun. And if you beat him with a gun, you better kill him, because he'll keep comin' back and back until one of you is dead.”
  Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• “It just didn't sink into his head what the Black Book is and what it meant, being banned from every casino is just one thing but being in this book gets you into the brains of every cop and FBI agent in the state, I mean you're listed in there with Al Capone, but Nicky didn't care.”
  Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• “In Vegas, everybody's gotta watch everybody else. Since the players are looking to beat the casino, the dealers are watching the players. The box men are watching the dealers. The floor men are watching the box men. The pit bosses are watching the floor men. The shift bosses are watching the pit bosses. The casino manager is watching the shift...” (continue)(continue reading)
  Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• “The little guy. He wouldn't be fucking the Jew's wife, would he?” - Remo Gaggi

• “After the Teamsters got knocked out of the box, the corporations tore down practically every one of the old casinos. And where did the money come from to rebuild the pyramids? Junk bonds. But in the end, I wound up right back where I started. I could still pick winners, and I could still make money for all kinds of people back home. And why mess...” (continue)(continue reading)Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• “Listen to me very carefully. There are three ways of doing things around here: the right way, the wrong way, and the way that I do it. You understand?”Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein: Three fuckin' jackpots in 20 minutes? Why didn't you pull the machines? Why didn't you call me?
  - Don Ward: Well, it happened so quick, 3 guys won; I didn't have a chance...
  - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein: You didn't see the scam? You didn't see what was going on?
  - Don Ward: Well, there's no way to determine that...
  - Sam 'Ace'... (continue)(continue reading)
  Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein
  - Don Ward

• - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein: From now on, I want you to put an equal amount of blueberries in each muffin... an equal amount of blueberries in each muffin.
  - Baker: Do you know how long that's going to take?
  - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein: I don't care how long it takes. Put an equal amount in each muffin.Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein
  - Baker

• “This is the end result of all the bright lights, and the comp trips, and all the champagne, and free hotel suites, and all the broads and all the booze. It's all been arranged just for us to get your money.”
  Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• “Before I ever ran a casino or got myself blown up, Ace Rothstein was a hell of a handicapper, I can tell you that. I was so good that when I bet, I can change the odds for every bookmaker in the country. I'm serious. I had it down so cold that I was given paradise on earth. I was given one of the biggest casinos in Las Vegas to run: The Tangiers...” (continue)(continue reading)
  Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• “Nicky's methods of betting weren't scientific, but they worked. When he won, he collected. When he lost, he told the bookies to go fuck themselves. I mean, what were they going to do, muscle Nicky? Nicky was the muscle.”
  Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• “If a guy fucking tripped over a banana peel, they'd bring me in for it.”Joe Pesci - Nicky Santoro

• - Senator: You were wandering around. You were in the... you were in the building.
  - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein: I was in the building? You know damn well I was at that dinner, and you swore to me I would have a fair hearing. Did you not? Did you not? Well, tell me I was at least at the dinner. Allow me that much. Give me that much at least!
  - Senator:... (continue)(continue reading) - Senator
  Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein: You know, I don't know if I could do this even if I wanted to. The Gaming Commission would never give me a license. I have at least two dozen gambling and bookmaking pinches on me.
  - Andy Stone: You don't have to have a license to work in a casino. All you gotta do is apply for one. The state law says you can work in a... (continue)(continue reading)
  Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein
  Alan King - Andy Stone

• “There's three ways to do things, the right way, the wrong way and the way that I do it.”
  Robert De Niro

• “In the casino, the cardinal rule is to keep them playing and to keep them coming back. The longer they play, the more they lose, and in the end, we get it all.”
  Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• “- Vinny Forlano: He won't talk. Stone is a good kid. Stand-up guy, just like his old man. That's the way I see it.
  - Vincent Borelli: I agree. He's solid. A fuckin' Marine.
  - Americo Capelli: He's okay. He always was. Remo, what do you think?
  - Remo Gaggi: Look... why take a chance? At least, that's the way I feel about it.” - Vinny Forlano
  - Vincent Borelli
  - Americo Capelli
  - Remo Gaggi

• “I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance tomorrow morning I'll get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and... walk in and see and, uh... if you don't have my money for me, I'll... crack your fuckin' head wide-open in front of everybody in the bank. And just about the time that...” (continue)(continue reading)Joe Pesci - Nicky Santoro

• “The town will never be the same. After the Tangiers, the big corporations took it all over. Today it looks like Disneyland. And while the kids play cardboard pirates, Mommy and Daddy drop the house payments and Junior's collegemoney on the poker slots. In the old days, dealers knew your name, what you drank, what you played. Today, it's like...” (continue)(continue reading)Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein: I'm firing you. No, I'm not firing, I'm firing you, ya...
  - Don Ward: You might regret this, Mr. Rothstein.
  - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein: I'll regret it even more if I keep you on.
  - Don Ward: This is not the way to treat people.
  - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein: Listen, if you didn't know you were being scammed you're too fuckin' dumb to... (continue)(continue reading)Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein
  - Don Ward

• “This guy could fuck up a cup of coffee.”Joe Pesci - Nicky Santoro

• “When you love someone, you've gotta trust them. There's no other way. You've got to give them the key to everything that's yours. Otherwise, what's the point? And for a while, I believed, that's the kind of love I had.”
  Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein

• - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein: So you're a righty?
  - Signaller: Yeah.
  - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein: Now you're gonna have to learn with your left hand.Robert De Niro - Sam 'Ace' Rothstein
  - Signaller

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